I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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