i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
