I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's blow job season.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
