It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
