Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
