Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
