Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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