I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I cut my penus on the lid.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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