haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
