Umm I'm too high to move.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
