At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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