her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
