Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
pray to the hookup gods
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
