some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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