She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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