I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
