i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
