VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
