First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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