so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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