At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
