So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
