That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
