Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
dude. I can hear the air.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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