I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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