Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
