It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize