I am midnight drunk by noon
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize