So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
