So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
