remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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