the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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