I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
