why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize