He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize