Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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