you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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