you would pick up someone in the library
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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