I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
