My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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