I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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