dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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