Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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