Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize