Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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