I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
