Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
