And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
