I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
