I can't watch pbs sober anymore
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
