We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
