We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
