why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have fence marks all over my body
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
