I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
