New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
