At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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