I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
