dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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