I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
