So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
