I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
