We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
