I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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