I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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