Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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