We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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