How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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