How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your penis caused this!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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