So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
