found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
