my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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